why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
