@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Randomize
