you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
