He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
