you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
