I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
