Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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