He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
