Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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