then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
