It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How external is "for external use only"?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
