I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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