You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
