And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
