I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You smell like stripper and shame
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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