Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
