Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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