I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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