I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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