Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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