Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
