If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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