It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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