Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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