Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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