1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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