you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
