Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
