The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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