Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
