i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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