Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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