an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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