Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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