i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
