Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The ass gains better be worth it
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