so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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