M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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