sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
