12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
