he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
