i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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