wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
