nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
