Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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