I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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