i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
operation harelip BJ is a go
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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