this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
