She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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