The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
