Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
