Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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