After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
